Hmmmm

The house, the moon and the old trees at sunset on Friday evening.

As I sit here, surrounded by lilac trees of great age and many leaves – it is the beach that is calling me.  The upper desert dryness is leaching my spirit today.  I want nothing more than to feel sand under my feet and the dampness of fog on my skin.  **Note, amusingly I wrote this Saturday. Today, Sunday we woke to cloudy skies which kept the sun hidden into the early afternoon.  Along with the clouds we were happy to have the humidity go up.  It’s not the beach today, but better than it was yesterday! It has been three years since we spent a week in Port Orchard.  Where does the time go?  I can tell you that as one becomes older (or as mom says “more seasoned”) time flies.   Not the saying “time flies if you are having fun” but more like “time flies and you better not blink or you are going to miss a lot!!”  Criminey.  I wish for so many things.  To be able to provide what the family needs.  To see my  photographs again.  I did pick up my camera last night for the first time really since the hard drive failure.  It irked me greatly to see the amazing skies, each one so different, and not be able to see what I had captured before.  I saved those photo files on a website somewhere. The first one I disliked greatly and didn’t load them there.  The other one was ok, and the information on where and what are locked forever on my zapped hard drive.  It hurts my hands to write, and I didn’t write that important info down.

So, I begin again.  Why not? Considering how things go with life, I am lucky to have the chance to begin again, right? Right. Onward!

The white crown sparrows have returned.  They are tired and I have seen them sitting in various places around the ranch.  In my angst for the sea, sitting on my bed, I heard the lilacs rustling.  In looking outside, I see my cat, grappling with something.  It is a bird. Grr.  I go to the back door and he is just getting to the step.  He looks up at me, and I see it is a white crown sparrow in his grip, the bird is also looking at me.  I tell Tosh to hold still and there is a bit of a scuffle as he loses his grip on the  bird.  It flies to the picnic table, then to the small tree then up the larger tree, cussing us out the whole time.  I get a dirty look from my cat, but he accepts my presence and lets me pet him anyway.  The bird flies off 🙂

We have heard the Canada geese several times now, fall is here and the earth will speed into winter mode.  Still have too much to do before that happens, but it is like this every year.  The photo above is for the future.  The old gnarled trees are fragile.  In the last several seasons they have lost branches.  One hit the house at 2 am.  It sounded like a Volkswagen hit the roof.  It broke one pane of the dual pane window in front, and pushed in the window casing by almost an inch.  The trees must be cut down considerably.  The problem is that I don’t have the money to do it.  We can only pray that we find the money to do it before we end up with the house smashed by a larger part of a tree.  I know it will work out as it is supposed to.  Thus the photos of the trees.  The Great Horned Owls sit in those trees a lot, and I hope we can save enough of them for the owls to stay here too.

Somehow it is after 5 pm and I better get out to do the evening chores.  Enjoy the evening all!

At that “wondering why” point once again

I can’t add a photo to this blog, because mine are gone, hopefully not forever.  The “stock” photos Microsoft supplies are junk.  My computer hard drive bit the dust. The shop that I took it to ran a check program on it. The hard drive failed.  WHY it failed, no one checked. They put in a new drive.  I have my original drive in hand. I hope and pray that a fellow I know who is a computer tech can coax the info out of it.  I have photos stored on 2 online sites.  Free sites. Free is good as long as it works out.  I tried one of the sites. It does not recognize me.  I tried my usb mass storage and it says it is empty.  I have used it before. I know how to use it. And it says it is empty.  I am beginning to get a bad feeling about this.  Now I have my computer here, and it is blank. It has open office instead of Microsoft Word or even MS Works.  I am adrift.  I am wondering if my thousands and thousands of photos are cast to the electronic wind never to be seen again.  Notes in a different folder than my “writing” folder are gone I realized.  For new projects. Once I mellow out, I know I can reconstruct that.  Agh.

Those photos and documents are out there somewhere in cyberspace.   Since I can’t really use a pen to write anymore, due to the condition of my hands and inability to hold a pen – I neglected to pain myself and write down the names of the sites.  And the login info.  Isn’t that just so totally me?  Just shaking my head at this point.  My quest in life has become taking care of others to the exclusion of my own self in all ways.  Kicking myself now, because what I need matters. It MATTERS.  I just have to convince myself that I do matter is all.

So, I hope to hear back from the computer tech.  He still has the same phone number and I told a friend I nearly fainted when I heard his voice on the voicemail. He got info off my son’s hard drive at one point. I know he can do it, but wish I knew IF it can be done. As always it is the not knowing and the waiting that is killing me.

I did change the header.  Not like a Great Blue Heron is Under the Lilac trees though.  I do however have the whole series of photographs from that vacation on my laptop. So that is something.  Aghhhhhhhhhh.

The weather here cooled off some.  The smoke is back, but not choking us like it did for what seemed like weeks.  For that I am thankful.  Looking for the good.

I am thankful to be typing now.  The words clog up in my head and I need to get them out.  I have been in a dark place today,  and I hope I can get things straightened out soon.  Like I said, it is the not knowing that is the worst.  If my memory wasn’t getting flaky, then things like wondering what emails I still had to answer when the lights went out and the hard drive went away would not bug me.  I have lost everyones email contact just FYI.  If you need me, write to me please.  I however don’t anticipate a flood of mail, as I unplugged pretty much totally for several weeks and no one apparently noticed. Not really keeping my “brand” out there am I Bob?  Sigh.

Have a good holiday tomorrow people, drive safely and tell those who matter you love them! Life changing events happen every day………..