100_4255.jpgI let my blog disappear. Not on purpose, but just from neglect. It pretty much showed how I  had also disappeared. The well was dry and I was done. But this morning, I decided to revive it. I wanted to, which is a big step forward. Ha, then I could not only not find it, when I did, I couldn’t log in. 4 Password resets later, I am in. Better than that, my content was really still here.

So much has gone through my mind the last few weeks, it would be impossible to explain it all. Suffice to say I had to almost literally go back to the beginning of me. Some information had come to me that I had to investigate. Really check into. And how it all shook out is that there is no change to anything. I found I was unable to talk to a few really  good friends, because they either showed 1.they are not as invested in our relationship as I am or 2. they would have asked me the questions that I had to avoid until I had the facts – because they would have made me think and I had thought about things I would have fallen apart. So, my solution to that emotional avoidance on that subject was to fade away. No harm no foul. I just couldn’t deal with anything else. I am better now.

I really am.

See, I am blogging.

It involved heartbreak and hope. It would have been something that changed nothing yet changed everything. I have a lot of good emotional material to draw from now. I have a better understanding of things for my character Karen in my WIP. Last night a crazy person sent me messages and sleep was random. My cat woke me at 5, yelling that my son had the big fan on in the living room. So we have been up a while. Cat has his toys, I have my coffee. I am planning putting my office space together. If money were no object, I would work on our old farmhouse, make the ceilings able bear a “live load” and add a staircase to the attic space. I have always wanted to make that my domain. However it will involve a lot of reframing and removing horrible insulation. Maybe next year. For now, I will find a niche and make my desk somewhere that is not the dining room table.
When I changed to my most recent phone, all the info moved to the new unit. Now it tells me that I have not backed up the phone in 32 weeks. Really phone? 32 weeks? How digital, electrical stuff decides this I know is back on the developer but wow.

Family is who is there for you, blood or not. Thank you for being in my corner friends.

Onward!