End of the year lilac leaves 2010

Someone once said that it isn’t as difficult when poor people get rich (lottery, windfall, whatever) it is when those who have always had what they needed lose what they always counted on.  I totally get that.  The past few years have been some of the most difficult for me.  I know it began with the care-taking of an ailing father and then ailing husband – both who passed away after extended illnesses (that is a whole OTHER blog).  Then I was ill from Aspartame toxicity and am continuing to recover.  Then mom and her health issues….  Jobs are scarce here, and it’s not like a person can start a job then tell THEM when you can work – around doctor appts, emergencies, etc.   It is a stark truth, and it is difficult to handle.  I do know that we are so very VERY lucky.  We still have a roof over our heads.  I know of many families who have lost their homes, given up their pets, their belongings sold to pay for a motel room for all.  We had a pipe break this week and our wonderful neighbor came over and capped that un-needed pipe and now we again have house water.  There is a long list of things that need attention, or replacement.  I shop by knowing exactly how much the small bar sized fridge will hold.  My “refreezerator” is dead, and that is just how it is.  There are so many things.  I long for the old days…as in being able to shop without counting how much I am spending and having to decide if I can buy shampoo or toilet paper that trip.  At least once in a while would be great.  I know so many who are living as we are, and it is very scary.  When the recession began, I heard an analyst say that most of America is only two paychecks from living on the streets.  Ack!  This morning, while watching our local gasoline climb dramatically, there was another report.  Some places are charging $4.99 a gallon for gas!  That was in Washington DC and somewhere in Northern California.  A friend in Los Angeles just posted that gas is now $ 4.00 a gallon. OMG….giving my Chevy truck the hairy eyeball look now…..I always owned one VW, where is one NOW???

On the up side of things, my mom is regaining the ability to see – thanks to the cataract removal and corrective lenses.  Her world is expanding at a whirlwind rate and I am thrilled for her.  That is what we have been working towards these past years.  Independence once again.  Surgical structural repairs (back, shoulder, eyes) and she will be able to do as she pleases without having a driver 🙂

I laugh at that phrase “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”.  It is true, but what other option do we have?  It is warm this morning, I hope that we don’t have too much more snow and ice.  My knee is healing and I am thankful for that.

Slumping snow the other day on mom’s van and her garage 🙂

In the midst of all of this, caring for the family, the place, I come to realize that I am needing attention as well.   I am told it is “caregivers syndrome” as in the ability to care for others while putting yourself last.  Me!  That’s me!  So, since I am fairly broken down already, I am bit by bit going to be attended to.  Eyes in April.  That is a start.

Everyone stay safe and look to what you do have and be happy.  It is never as bad as we think it is.  Really, as long as we have a new day to enjoy, as long as we are “on this side of the dirt”, that is all that really matters.  Remember to tell those who matter you love them !  Enjoy the day !